“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” ~Jeremiah 29:11
There was a time in life when I became an incredibly bitter and angry person. After letting myself fall into too many half-hearted relationships with guys who didn’t even really care about me, I became broken to the point of despair. Not only did I feel useless, but undesirable and unable to continue with life. It was excruciating to be constantly pushed back after giving everything I was to somebody. Not only in romantic relationships, but in friendships as well. I got caught up into this vicious cycle of betrayal, where I didn’t even know who to trust anymore. The whole experience nearly ruined an adventurous part of my mind and tore down all the scaffolding I once bolstered my soul with.
In this scenario, I don’t have a nicely set list for you. As you all know, I love organizing advice into neat little sets of easy-to-read sections. However, this is just not one of those times. In reality, I fell into a deep depression that lasted several months after my trip abroad, including a genuine attempt on my own life. It was close friends, leaders and a a call to a caring woman on a hotline that prevented me from irreversible abyss. I teetered on the edge of existence that day, looking only into the abysmal darkness.If you find yourself unable to stand or look up, I think it’s the perfect time to meet God, wherever you are. On scuffed knees and with trembling hands, I finally turned to God, confessing how much in pain I really was. I was tired of putting up a mask, so bright you couldn’t see the black hole behind it. I believe the only thing that saved me from taking my own life or doing something equally terrible was trusting that God had something infinitely better for me planned.
The crazy part?
He did. This year was both my lowest rock bottom and the peak of my faith. First semester, I quit dancing and locked myself in my room, constantly looking back to regret what I had done to others and what they did to me. This spring sparked new growth; I danced, I made new things from the trash of old material, I gained resilience to my once fragile optimism. I cooked, cleaned and read my way into good health once again. I traveled across the country with goofy friends, constantly made bad puns and learned to forgive people with a slight abandon. Mostly, I wasn’t afraid anymore; afraid of getting hurt or rejected. By the grace of God, I became whole once more.
So, the entirely ridiculous, swing dancing, loud, obnoxious, smiling, confusing, energetic, but most of all ALIVE girl you see here today is completely due to one amazing God who crazily loved an entire population of unfit people. Let Go[d], and He will do amazing things in your life.